This New Year's I resolve not to make any more stinking New Year's resolutions. I never keep them, and it only irritates me when I don't. I feel like a complete and total slacker for not sticking to even ONE resolution, ever! This year, I say no more. My resolution making pencil has been chucked in the trash can. My note pad is lining the kitty litter box. I will not make any resolutions.
The plan is to slide seamlessly from 2007 into 2008. No false expectations. No delusions of improved organizational skills. No cutting back on the calories. No reading self-help or how-to books. I'm jumping cold turkey onto the no-resolutions band wagon.
Maybe later on in the year I might, maybe, possibly clean out a closet or two. I could decide to take up jogging or other types of Geneva Convention banned forms of torture. Okay, and maybe I'll figure out how to fix stuff on my computer myself without calling the computer guy (allright, my fourteen-year-old son) to fix it for me, like I'm a total nincompoop or something. Maybe. But I do not resolve to do these things. If they happen I'll just be pleasantly surprised.
This may be a new trend. I could be starting a cultural revolution with this idea. Americans, east and west, could rise up and resolve to live without resolutions. They could eat their King Cakes and baskets of Easter candy guilt free. They could shop for bathing suits in the summer without tears. They could gleefully toss their messes into the nearest closet on a regular basis. They could sleep late every Saturday. The possibilities are endless.
I'm telling you, folks, resolutions are a thing of the past. They are so pre-2008. I'm living in the here and now, people. It's a new year, and I say live it to the fullest. You've gotta grab your eraser and slide on in. The resolution free waters are just fine.