Life On The Planet: Life At 4 In The Morning

Why am I up at 4 in the morning? This is not a quiz. It's a rhetorical question. I don't expect you to know. How could you possibly know? I sure don't.

Anyway, as I am awake and it is 4 in the morning, I thought, "Why not call Aunt the Major?" Don't you call your sister at 4 in the morning? I do. Or, I would, if I could find her phone number. It's one of those long international jobs, so it's not like I have it memorized. It's in my phone book, where ever that is. I vaguely remember someone of the short persuasion asking me for it a week or so ago. Which means it is probably under someone's bed. Or desk. Or on their closet floor. Closets are not to be trifled with at 4 in the morning. Sorry, dear sister. I'm not calling. And it's not my fault.

Insert change of subject sticky note here.

(Or, as my military sister would say, "Break. Break.")

(Maybe you had to be there.)

So, I would like to announce that it is officially slug season here on the planet. That's right, you heard me correctly. I said slug. S.L.U.G. One was oozing up the wall behind the washing machine this evening. Ew. Naturally, I screamed like a little girl for The CFO. I told him that it was his husbandly duty to get rid of it. I told him I was certain it was somewhere in our pre-nup that he had to deal with slugs. (Probably right next to the clause that explicitly states that he MUST leave the toilet lid down.) I reminded him of the time that he was in Tennessee and I was in Louisiana with three children, a dog, a cat and sixteen chickens, who later exploded, and I had to deal with the mouse that the cat brought in. The mouse that was still, gulp, ALIVE? Remember? Don't cha?!?

He dealt with the slug. Maybe just to shut me up. I can't be certain.

Now that I've shared that sad insight into my marriage, I've nothing left to do. Calling the sister is out. Lesson plans? They may not make sense if I write them now. Oh, sure. They'll make sense now. But when the kids try to read them on Monday, they'll be total gibberish. Lesson plans are out. Watching T.V.? If it's something scary, I'll freak out and never get back to sleep. If it's something funny, I'll laugh and wake everyone else up. If it's an info-mercial, I'll throw something at the television. Not good. T.V. is definitely out. Too much reading or computer and my eyes will be puffy and red the rest of the day.

Maybe I'll go and stir up the cat. It's better than nothing.

4 o'clock in the morning. 'Tis the hour of my discontent.